Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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