Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
