maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
