they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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