While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
third nipple confirmed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
