I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
