New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
