Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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