i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
