Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
