i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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