He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
