Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
