Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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