You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This baby is an asshole
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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