Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
