What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
