i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
