I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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