Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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