I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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