hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
