we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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