Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
