gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
