I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this boner is exhausting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
