My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
