tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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