she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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