at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
