first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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