I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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