My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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