hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
