i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
