Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I love you.
Bad choice
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
