Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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