Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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