We won't sleep together?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
