dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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