i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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