READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
