Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
