Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
