Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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