He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
