wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
