she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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