Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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