people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
