I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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