i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
