weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
