Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
