Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
