You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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