You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
