I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
