Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
